It's been twenty years since I wrote anything except poems so I thought I'd practice today. This one took about 3 hours of touch time.
SUMMER EVENINGS
Vir lowered his eyes to his watch. Yes, six fifteen already. Outside past these blind-covered windows the sun must be dwindling. Orange ink spilling into the western sky.
Man, that beauty outside seemed a world away. His collar felt awkward. His armpits were perspiring but he dared not take his jacket off because he had only ironed the front of his shirt. And anyway, it was all coming to an end, like water swirling around the sink one last time. Might as well keep the jacket on and go out looking good.
God knows how I’ll look like next month, don’t think I’ll ever get to put on a suit again.
The table was packed with people, mostly men. From time to time, someone would look at him then nervously look away. They all knew about his situation, of course. He started to avoid their eyes to spare them the discomfort.
He had known most of them for years – five, ten in some cases. He had even thought of them as friends once. When he had first encountered them, most had been pretty interesting - with eccentricities, secrets and dreams. Now they spoke only in stilted business jargon and looked like cardboard cutouts. There was no color to them, only the blue black of their frugal suits.
Talking of suits, what will I do with mine, I wonder? He looked down at the dull gray fabric with the thick weave. He hadn’t even opened the stitching on the pockets for God’s sake so as to keep it looking smart. And now his body would have no more use for it.
Difficult to give a used suit to someone who really wears suits. Bemused, Vir mulled over the irony; a suit was all about self-respect after all and one must buy that. Well, I suppose one of the janitors can get his son married in this. And then maybe a procession of people will get married in this suit, one by one. Wow, what a thought.
He brought his mind back to the meeting. Really, might as well go out looking good. Maybe I can chime into the conversation somewhere. He tried to concentrate and look for an opening but after a few minutes a haze crept over his mind and he gave up. The discussion was about some two-page form. Twenty people were sitting around arguing listlessly about changes to a goddamn form! Sometimes the stupidity of companies overcame him. Then he would remind himself it was only a game, a way to pass time… Our lives kept running out, tick tock tick tock, and if we had not had these charades to keep us occupied we’d just sit and wait in terror for the end to come. Much better this way.
But for him this diversion was now over. The rest of his life now lay plain before his eyes. The changes would come soon and rapidly. There was no knowing how he would take it. He felt a little shiver of fear.
He distracted himself with thoughts of the evening outside. Even without his watch he would have known the day was ending. He had this sixth sense about it. Evenings would make him feel empty inside and a little manic at the same time. It went back to when he was a child, perhaps it was even stronger back then. He’d have this urgent desire to rush outside and drink the evening in – fill up the emptiness with friends and games and with the loud chirping of the birds and three-abreast walks down evening paths. Then almost at once the trees would darken to black and the birds would go quiet and the sweet smell of night would rise unmistakably from the hedges. The children’s chatter would become conversations, the odd walking parent would be avoided on the empty streets, and for a while reality would be suspended as though by some magic spell.
Summer evenings used to be the best. They would be cool and comfortable and fragrant and would stretch out for so long that one would not feel cheated by the passing of the hours. There was enough time to play not just one sport but two or perhaps three. Yes, summer evenings were the best… particularly in the last days before the rains came. The suspense and the guessing games were well repaid by the thrill of the first downpour. Out of the blue would come the black of clouds and amongst the gently swirling dust and swirling doubts of “is this really it?” the sky would open up and drench them all, even the girls scurrying back to their homes but not really trying to move as fast as they could.
Not moving as fast as they could because it was beautiful to see the rain, it was a blessing to be caught in the water from the heavens, it was wonderful to be young and full of health splashed in the youthful monsoon that never aged.
“OK, see you all next week!” boomed the Vice President, the sonics pulling Vir’s mind back into the conference room. In one short moment that vivid world of his childhood disappeared wispily. That’s how worlds disappear, Vir thought, in the blink of an eye, like a dream evaporates when you wake up.
As everyone gathered their things, Vir looked wryly at the blank page on his own notebook. He had not taken any notes today and really, where he was going he wouldn’t need these notes.
His colleagues began to file out. They all made it a point to stop by him and shake his hand and tell him what a great guy he had been. “See you sometime” many said but he doubted he would see any of them ever again. This life was near its end. He felt a little weak.
Then the goodbyes were over and he walked down the stairs and out the door. He was surprised by the darkness and then he noticed the overcast sky. The wind was cool and even as he breathed it in, the first fine spray of water came down with a gust of wind and evaporated immediately on the road below. He felt some on his face and it lit up a wide smile. The monsoon was here. As always, it had kept its promise.
A clutch of twenty-somethings was waiting for their rides. Some of these guys had worked for him. One of them came up to where Vir was standing. His face was bright and his eyes were shining. And he was not wearing a suit.
“I heard you are leaving the company to become a novelist. All the very best, sir!”